Field of Flowers

"Did Emily make you come out here and do this? Why isn't she changing her own tire?" the older Christian man asked, his tone sarcastic as he laughed.  

My husband heard the words as he worked, his hands stained with dirt from the old wheel. It was hot, muggy, and he was sweating as he changed the tire on my car. It was mid-afternoon and we had just come home from getting a new tire, since I had a flat the day before. I was inside, cleaning up around the house.

 "Because I love my wife," my husband replied, as he continued to work. He was doing it, not because I wouldn't, but because he wanted to out of love. He enjoys taking care of me. It's the same reason that I do his laundry. Love. 

"Well, I love my wife, but she knows who wears the pants around our house," the man continued as he walked off to his truck, obviously missing the point altogether. KJ sat there, dumbfounded that a Christian man would say such a comment, completely missing the love that comes in serving your spouse. And notice he didn't make this comment in front of his own wife. 

In our home, KJ does "wear the pants" (what kind of egotistical phrase is that anyhow?).  Let's put it God's way: he is my spiritual leader. He always has been. But a real man doesn't use what the Bible says about being the head of the household to put his wife down. He doesn't feel the need to tell other men how aggressive and forceful he is, especially when his wife isn't around to hear it. A man who leads well does so gently, in love, and with tenderness. What does the Bible have to say about this? In Ephesians 5, The Bible says a man is to love his wife "as Christ loved the church." 

How did Christ love the church? He loved the church so much He died for it. He cared for it, upheld its good name, treated it with honor and reverence. That is how husbands are to love their wives. And I am so thankful to God that is how my husband loves me! 

Marriage and how it is treated within the church has been a topic that has been on my mind quite often lately. Yesterday's incident just reinforced my desire to blog on it. Even before KJ and I were married, people made comments. Since we have been married, we have heard them time and time again. They sound something like this...

"Well. He will change. You will learn all his flaws soon enough. Then you won't be able to get away from him enough."

"That's just because you're a newlywed. You'll get OVER that."

"You've been married how long? You should be over that newlywed stage by now. Believe me, you'll get there."

"Now I'm stuck with him," followed by a sigh.

"I guess I'll just have to put up with my spouse."

"Everything changes when you have kids. You'll see."

"Just wait...just wait til you've been married as long as I have," followed by a scoff.

More often than not, when I talk about how much I adore my spouse, there is a strong reaction. Some people say it is so sweet, etc, but others are very negative. Some people sneer. They laugh. They make fun of it. They make one of the comments above or something similar. They become offended because they want to badmouth their spouse and I won't join in and badmouth mine and "add" to the "fun". They do the same thing to KJ. Ever since we got married, everyone has told us "you will see", "things will change", and "you'll learn". We are going on our fourth year of marriage next month, and that may not be a bunch, but we have experienced more in four years than I think some do in fourty. And I grow to be more in love with him every single day!

I realize this might be a little rambly and I am on a soapbox (but hey, it's my  blog, I'm allowed!), but I truly believe that Christians need to stand up for marriage. It's not just about only one man and one woman for life, though that is important. It's more than that. 

No marriage is perfect, and my marriage is no exception to that. We have amazing days and we have tough days. But the good always, always outweighs any bad. 

The point, though, is that marriage is not to be endured. It is to be enjoyed.

And Christians need to express this! Why do we have so many young couples wanting to live together before marriage? If they even get married at all any more? Why do we portray dating as the best time of their lives and marriage as the worst? Some Christians act like marriage is such a burden that it's no surprise the younger generation is pulling away from it so they don't make the same "mistake".  How sad that some have portrayed God's GIFT to us in such a way! We need to build up marriage and honor and strengthen our commitments to our spouses all the time! We need to encourage godly, loving unions for life between Christians! 

So, you want to know why...

KJ changed my tire? Because he loves me. Because it wasn't even a question of whether or not he wanted to do it. He would die for me, just like Christ was willing to die for the church. Changing a tire? That is so simple by comparison. And as his wife, I strive to do things to honor my husband and submit to him in the same way. Would that same man think it ridiculous on the days I clean the whole house from top to bottom just so KJ can come home to a clean house at the end of a stressful day? Probably not. 

I don't talk bad about my spouse, ever? Because I love him. Because in the same way Christ honored the church, I want to honor my husband. I want to build him up and bring him praise, just like the Proverbs 31 woman did for her husband. To speak badly of KJ is to speak badly of myself. We are one flesh, after all. He is the most worthy man of respect I know, and God blessed me with that gift forever. Why would I ever, ever dishonor my gift from God? 

When other Christian couples go to movies and "ooh" and "ahh" and "mmmm" at celebrities or real life people who aren't their spouses, KJ and I are looking at each other instead? Because we chose each other. For life. He is mine and I am his and we are one. That is all we will ever need and all we will ever want. Why would I drool over some other man who won't be sitting beside me in a rocking chair and taking care of me when I'm eighty? Sounds pretty dumb to me.

So ... why this blog post, you ask? 

Because, marriage is God-created and God-ordained and it is beautiful. 

And most definitely worth defending!

And when people choose to make rude comments like the one that was made yesterday, it is easy to feel angry. 

But really, I don't. I feel sorry for that man, and boy, do I ever feel sorry for his wife. 

For my gift, I feel thankful.

Thankful that my husband loves me, honors me, protects me, and defends me at all times.  

Thankful that even when we are in Walmart buying groceries, or playing Donkey Kong on the WII, or fixing my car, that even when we are going through the simplest moments of life, 

 we are together and so in love and will be that way forever. 

And even in marriage, 

especially in marriage, 

it still feels like we are kissing in a field of flowers.