Speech

            “Oh my God, in you I trust...” (Psalm 25:2) In this Pslam we see David talking to God by saying “oh my God”. He is calling upon the Lord in respect and with confidence, saying “in you I trust.” Is this the same way that our culture uses this phrase today? We unfortunately know it is not. I would venture to say that if you turned on almost any t.v. show (maybe not History or Discovery), but certainly mainstream t.v., you would hear this phrase hundreds of times a day if you watched for long enough. Not only would I surmise you would hear it hundreds of times, I would go so far as to say that most likely none of these instances would be reflective of someone actually calling out to God in prayer or for help. You certainly don’t see the world saying “Oh my God, in you I trust!” as David did.

            What you do see is this exclamation being used when someone looses a lot of weight, when a person is surprised, when a gift of great worth is given, when a person sees a cute pair of jeans, or when they are frustrated from dropping their keys. It truly can be almost anything! The world uses this phrase all the time in blatant disrespect, not knowing or not caring what it truly means. It seems that this phrase has replaced “wow”, “how exciting”, “that is wonderful”, etc. Nowadays, most people (especially teenagers in our culture) seem happy to simply say, txt, or facebook His name vainly in its place. How truly sad and sinful we have become.

            As Christians we know better! It makes me cringe when I hear it casually slip from a member of the church. Although we can, in most cases, rightly know that the person “didn’t mean it that way”, it simply does not make it okay. The Lord finds this displeasing and we should too! In Exodus 20:7 God instructs, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.” We should not be using God or Jesus’ names as vain exclamations.

            In Old Testament times, people revered God’s name so much that they would spell “Yahweh” as “YHWH” because they didn’t even want to fully write it out due to the respect they felt for the Lord. While it is true that we are not under the Old Testament law anymore, the principle still applies to us today. The people of Old Testament times held the Lord’s name in such high esteem! May we have pure hearts to do the same.

      A more common issue within the church today  than outright vocalization of the Lord’s name in vain is euphemisms. Dictionary.com defines euphemisms as: “the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.” Common uses of these would include abbreviating the Lord’s name into a slang format, substituting a “less offensive” word for another curse word, or saying shortened phrases with the same meaning in place of Christ’s name in vain. We have to be careful not to use these terms! Just because we change a few letters and tell ourselves it "doesn’t sound so bad" does not make it right. Why would we want to even come close to those phrases? Why would we want the world or other Christians to have to wonder where our respect for the Lord’s name is?

            The truth is that sometimes we talk too much. Women tend to have more of a problem with it than the men do at times. We have to be careful that concern does not turn into gossip, that constructive criticism does not turn into crushing criticism, and that we take the time to learn how to really listen. This is an important trait for us ladies (and every Christian) to have! Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”

            Yet in our modern day technology era, sometimes it isn’t that we are talking too much. Sometimes it is that we are texting too much, facebooking too much, emailing too much. There is something easy about typing or texting words. When you don’t speak them out loud, they come at times more freely. There is less accountability when you aren’t face to face. I love technology and use it all the time. We can use computers to write devotional books or to look at pornography. We can use tv’s to watch sinfulness or to broadcast programs that spread the Gospel. Technology is neither good or evil; the way that we use it determines that. We all need to take heed to be careful and to consider the path we are walking (or speaking, texting, typing, or facebooking) down with our words.

            Words are wonderful when we use them as God intended. There is a reason He created us with the ability to speak, communicate, and interact with one another and with Him! God created words that we might pray, edify, enourage, thank, counsel, comfort, and bless. Words, much like technology as we discussed previously, are neither good or evil. It is all about the way we use them!

            Words can hurt or heal, crush or challenge, insult or inspire, excuse or excite, and burden or bless! Words can be used to speak with pride or with purpose, to gossip or to glorify, to envy or to encourage, to give lashings or love, to spread hatred or hope, and for cursing or for comforting. There are so many examples of this in the Bible. When Jesus was on the cross, some used words to mock Him, but He used words to glorify God!

            So now that we have established the power of words and our responsibility with them, how can we put these principles into action? I would like to share some tips I believe will held us to speak as we should:

*Thumper had it right! “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” But way before Thumper, the Bible said it best: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasonsed with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 3:6).

            Think of the two extremes that most people can find in their lives: extremely positive and extremely negative. Focus on that one person you know who is always chipper, smiling, encouraging, and kind. Don’t you just love to be around that person? You always leave their presence feeling encouraged and built up. You usually leave with about five genuine compliments as well. We all need people like this in our lives. We all need to be people like this! Here are a few things we can all do to accomplish this more easily:

* Make an effort to smile everywhere you go. People remember a big, friendly smile even if you don’t say a word.

* Find one thing you can complement in every person you talk to that day. We should never be fake or artifical. But even with more difficult people, there will be something to complement. A nice dress, hairstyle, jewelry, shoes, or smile are places to start. Try to complement people on both how they look (this builds their self-esteem) and who they are (this encourages their character).

Examples of character compliments might be on how well they do something (example: teach, sing, write, mother, encourage, how funny they are, etc). I am a person who loves to encourage. It makes me feel good inside to help others feel good about who they are and I am sure you will find this same result. You are blessed when blessing others!

* Make the choice to be positive. We are all going to have bad days and that is fine. But overall, as a whole, we should seek to be positive people. As Christians we have a purpose and a passion in life that most people only dream of having! We should be thankful and cheerful for the life with which God has blessed us! This world is as bad as we are ever going to have it!

            Now that we have reviewed the positive person, let’s consider the person with a negatively inclined disposition. Over the course of a lifetime, I think it is safe to say we have all known at least one person like this (whether a member of the church or not). This person seems to never be happy. The weather is either too hot or too cold. The sermon is too short or too long. Their children visit too often or too little. It can be almost anything or everything. Life is always a burden and the glass is half empty. This person is marked by constant complaining, grumbling, bitterness, grudges, bickering, pettiness, gossip, and discouragement.

            In all honesty these types of people can be difficult to be around. Moods are contagious and if you spend enough time with a negative person, you can find yourself becoming negative right along with them. As mentioned before, we are not talking about a season of frustration or discouragement (as we all experience these from time to time), but rather a lifestyle of discontentment. This is not healthy for the person with this attitude or anyone around them. So how can we help those dealing with this struggle and guard ourselves from becoming jaded?  We can:

* Remember to be patient and loving, even with people who are not with you. This person might be lonely (a new widow, for example) and learning to cope, or going through struggles she feels are too personal to share. As discussed earlier, attitudes and moods are contagious so we should give special attention to these people and try to “rub off” on them with our positive energy. We might find out they just needed a little encouragement and empathy!

* If you find yourself about to say something negative, or to add to gossip, close your mouth. If necessary, walk away. It is always right to not say something you shouldn’t.

* Surround yourself with positive things. Read the Scriptures daily, spend time with positive friends and Christians, get involved in church activities, and stay away from things that cause you to feel drained and empty inside. Sometimes you just need physical or emotional rest. Don’t be afraid to decline an invitation from time to time. You can’t give your best if you are not being your best.   

* Consider the long lasting effect and implication of your words. What you say can make or break someone’s day (or week, month, etc). I never liked my hair very much, but in one month I had at least four women come up to me and tell me how pretty and shiny my hair was. That made me feel good and nowadays I like it a little more than I used to. They made my day! This is a simple example, but we have all experienced this. Someone can give you a compliment when you're feeling really crummy and it just makes the rest of the day go so much better.

            When harsh words are spoken, friendships end quickly. Hearts are hurt and though apologies are accepted, that person is likely to always remember the hurtful thing that was said. Our words should add joy to others’ lives, not pain. May we speak carefully!

* In order to not come across as this negative person, there are some additional behaviors we should avoid. Nonverbal language, passive agressiveness, and backhanded compliments are some of the things that can be the most hurtful and frustrating to deal with. Nonverbal language can say more than we sometimes think it does. If we roll our eyes, look away the entire time someone is speaking with us, or cross our arms constantly and frown, we might be giving off a message we don’t want to. We should watch our body language and make sure it matches up with our feelings and attitudes.

            Passive agressiveness can also be a deterent to being happy and productive. Sometimes people don’t exert themselves due to fear of judgment and end up miserable. I am not a good public speaker. I have taken multiple classes on it, tried time and time again to do well at it, and at the end of the day it is simply not my talent and I don’t enjoy it at all. I love to write, encourage people, do things behind the scenes, etc. but public speaking is just not a talent I have. For a long time, I was afraid to tell people that I wasn’t good at it. I felt inadequate. However, I did put myself out there and at least give it a try many times (despite it being my biggest fear!) and eventually learned that I don’t have to be a good public speaker. God gave me my own set of talents that I strive to use for him.

            The reason that I share this is because I once heard a story of a woman who was petrified of public speaking (much like myself) and was unhappy for years in the ministry that she was a part of because she was afraid to tell anyone. She would rather suffer silently and be passive aggressive about the situation. Finally, she told a new congregation she was working with how she really felt and they were able to use her talents and she started a full time outreach program for women through this that went on to be very succesful. She was finally happy and fulfilled, using her talents from God for His glory and the church benefited greatly as well. She didn’t let timidity or a passive agressive (“I don’t really want to do this or have a talent for it, but am doing it because I am being forced to”) attitude hold her back. I am a big believer in stretching out of your comfort zone and learning and continually growing, but I firmly believe God expects us to use the talents He gave us first. He gave us these talents for a reason, after all! When we all work together with the talents we have been given, the church grows and functions completely.

            Lastly, I would suggest that we should be careful not to give backhanded compliments. I have had friends personally who have been told “you have such a pretty face” or “you really have potential; someday you will be a good ______”. I don’t believe these comments are beneficial or most often truly said in a spirit of love. Let us endeavor to look for the positive things in each other. If you think someone has a pretty face, then tell them they are pretty. If you think someone has room to improve, but is still doing a good job, then point out something they excel at. We should strive to cultivate the positive in others around us! In my experience, doing this helps to build a person up and encourage them to grow more than any insulting “compliment” ever will.

            To wrap up, let us look at some instructions from the most important manual we will ever have, the Bible, on how we should be speaking to one another and about one another as welll as general principles on words.

“...Be worthy of the Gospel of Christ.” -Philippians 1:27

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning...” -Philippians 2:14

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice...by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” -Philippians 4:4-6

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” -Philippians 4:8

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good...for out of the abundance of his heart the mouth speaks.” -Luke 6:45

“And in their mouth no lie was found, for they are blameless.” -Revelation 14:5     

“Death and life are in the power of the tounge, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”-Proverbs 18:21

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” -Matthew 15:18

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tounge of the wise brings healing.” 

-Proverbs 12:18

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” -Ephesians 4:29

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.” -Matthew 12:36-37

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”-Proverbs 16:24

”But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another...” -Colossians 3:8-9a

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”-Proverbs 13:3

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tounge keeps himself out of trouble.”-Proverbs 21:23

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tounge but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” -James 1:26

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” -Proverbs 15:1

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” -Psalm 19:14

_{practical pointers}

§       -Think before you speak. This is simple, but oftentimes a hard thing to practice daily. Consider if your words are going to help or hurt the person before you speak them. If you have to say something somewhat hurtful (example:correcting a brother or sister in sin), do sin in gentleness and with a spirit of love and lots of prayer. 

§       -Avoid falling into the patterns of what the world is saying at the moment. Using God’s name in vain as the world means it is never a worthy way to talk about the true God. Let us show respect for who He is and His name despite what the culture is doing.

§       -Practice being positive. Try for one full month to daily dedicate yourself to praying positive prayers, giving positive compliments, having an upbeat attitude, and read Scriptures that encourage you in this feat. Write them on your walls (Scriptures or wall quotes you can buy online are great for this!) or tape them to your mirror to keep your focus on the goal.

_{mirror time}

1. Record an experience you have had where words have been hurtful to you. How could this person have shown more gentleness or consideration? 

2. Write down a time in which words have been helpful to you.  How did this build your spirit up?

3. Are there times in life when it might be neccesary to say something that might be hurtful to another person? When? How can we accomplish this while also being loving?

4.  Write down three ways in which you can better use your words and influence of speech to build others up for the cause of Christ. Find a few supporting Scriptures and add them below.